Thursday, July 2, 2009

For Jersey

It had been a really hard 2 weeks, perhaps the worst 2 yet. Chris and I had a fight, the largest yet. We hardly spoke those 2 weeks. We both took leaps backwards rather than forwards. Back to being very emotional. Time had once again stopped, everybody but me was living. There was no light, nothing to smile about, just heartache, desperation... more loneliness than I had ever imagined. Chris and I have handled our Jersey VERY differently, we do not agree, it is VERY straining. It has seemed loads harder for him than me. We were struggling like never before.
My friend Sandy came over for a visit, I love Sandy. She had a gift for Chris and I but it wasn't from her. She didn't know how crappy we had been feeling. She handed me a pink gift bag that had the most darling scrap booked picture book in it I had ever seen. It was full of delicious pinks, eye-blinding sparkles, and a zillion rhinestones. Everything about it said princess! I immediately fell in love and begged to know who had spent so many hours on this most sparkly creation. Then we sat down. We had a talk and while the scrapbook was a gift the real gift was what Sandy had in her hands. She explained: This person expects to be anonymous and hopes you will respect her wishes. She then handed me 3 pieces of paper. All of which I read with tears on my cheeks and a burning in my heart.
My new anonymous friend explained that we've never met but are in the same ward (church). For some time she had been prompted to design a special project for me. Then she goes on to say how privileged and honored she felt to be of service me. Through the entire project she said she felt the Lord's abundant love for me and my family, she was tenderly guided and it has been a very sweet experience for her. Then she said, "The Lord is mindful of you. He is sending a very special message to you through a complete stranger. Why now? I don't know. All I know is that I needed to get this done. The burning in my soul has been persistent." She continues to write that she is not the type to write poems, after much prayer and many drafts and being guided by the Spirit she wrote her poem. She said, "This part of the project (the poem) was very difficult for me. I do not know you, I have never met you, and yet I have been asked to write this very emotional, tender poem for you. I hope you receive the message that the Lord has angels watching over you.... Please know that these are not words from my lips but from the Lord's. This is his tender message for you." Sandy and my new anonymous friend chatted a bit about this and my friend said the poem isn't as much for me as it is for Chris. She didn't know why. I do.
For Jersey
Hair of gold
Eyes so blue
Tiny little body
With a heart pure and true
Fighting like a warrior
You heard the call
Return to your Heavenly Father
And proudly stand tall
Soft, sweet face
Blessed with eternal grace
Loving so gently
During a final embrace
Your purpose fulfilled
And perfection restored
Patiently you await
Your eternal reward
Now more diligently we will have to work
In righteous pursuit
Towards the worthiness
Required to be re-united with you
So with sorrow and love
We lay you to rest
Returning you to our Heavenly Father
With exalted request
Endure as we must
Many challenging tests
Following a promised plan for
Hope, love, everlasting life and happiness
This experience is a witness to me that we are NEVER left alone, even in our darkest hours. We needed this and Heavenly Father knew it. He loves us and our Jersey. I love how the poem speaks of her looks. I always wonder who she would look like, what that crazy hair would have turned out to be, would she be solid like Tucker or dainty and girlie like Tatum. I just knew she would be my green eyed baby but am thrilled she has Chris's baby blue eyes. I miss my girlie fiercely but am grateful for the small glimpses I get of her watching over and being aware of us.


Netso said...

Wow!!! That just gave me goosebumps...And a very good cry. The Lord has a plan, we sometimes just need to sit back and watch it unfold. Skylee has a saying that she loves. "todays test, Is tomorrows testimony."
We are here for you if you need us. Love you, Netso

MommyRohner said...

Anonymous gifts are often the best gifts because we are looking at everyone as though they're the one who gave it. It makes you think the best of everyone.
I'm so sorry this is hard and that you have to go through it. You will get through it though.
To whoever gave Chris and Heidi this gift- Thank you for thinking of my friend and being in tune with the spirit.

Brittanie said...

That is so awesome! I love how Heavenly Father works through others to help us. I hope things get better. I'm so sorry you've had a rough couple of weeks. I love you Heidi.

Greg and Heidi said...

Chris and Heidi-
I am crying tears as I read this. I want to refer to this as a tender mercy, but it is so much more. I am sorry for your struggles. I know very well how we all deal with things differently. I am just amazed and full of gratitude for how much support you are giving us at this time. I am so grateful someone is listening to the spirit and looking after you! You deserve it! This is also one of those moments when I realize I am so unthoughtful and uncreative! Who is this awsome person. . . And to make it so be-dazzled for you ;)!

The Kemptons said...

That poem was perfect. It made me cry. Love you guys and always thinking of you.

Nicole said...

My friend,
We haven't spoke in awhile and I was hoping it was because you were busy enjoying yourself like Liz. I'm saddened to know that you are hurting. Call me if you need to talk. Hope to see you soon.

Alisa Larson said...

Oh, how sweet. What a great sister to be intuned to the spirit. I want to know who she is too!

Mindi D said...

Amazing. That is so cute. Can't wait to see you soon!! Love ya!

Heather said...

What a beautiful gift. I am sorry for you and Chris's difficult time and understand how we each grieve differently, I struggled with that and how Phil was grieving, or in my mind the absence of grief. Prayers for you and Chris. Call me if you want to talk. Love you Heidi.

Morris Mama said...

Heidi, I'm sorry to hear that you are hurting. I hope that eases with time. We pray that the Lord will bless you and Chris with comfort. Hope to see you soon!


Chelsea said...

What a sweet and tender mercy! And crazy that she has never met you. What a good woman. I can imagine how much strain the loss of a child could take on a marriage. I'm sorry you and Chris are having a hard time. Men and women are just SO different. I'm glad this gift came at the perfect time.

Crystal said...

It amazes to see how people are led to serve in so many different ways. Thank you to the sister who did this for you. We are all grateful she listened. And thank you Heidi for sharing your life with us. I only wish we could help carry the burden. I'm here for anything...just walk across the street.

Michelle Bair said...

That is sooo tender and wonderful. What a special present. I love how we always seem to get just what we need right when we need it.

Deana said...

That is so special! What an amazing friend you are to so many. Thank you for sharing.

Libbis Grammy