Sunday, August 30, 2009


I've learned this before, with my Jersey, and still I continue to put things off until tomorrow. With Jersey we didn't take any new born pictures. Not that she was a typical new born but still, we could have done something. I never video tapped her, we had only a couple days where she looked "normal". I wanted to wait until tomorrow when she'd be extibated, untapped, no lines, awake, home, the list goes on. How I WISH I had something. I wish I videotaped her chest rising and falling, she was alive then. I wish I would tapped her sleeping. Those rare times she was awake I would softly rub her cheek near her mouth, she would move the side of her mouth in that direction, SHE WOULD RESPOND to me, I wish I would have tapped that. It showed personality. It told me she knew I was there. I kept waiting, hoping she would get better. I kept telling myself I wouldn't want to remember seeing her like this, now I WISH I would have done more. I thought we would have a life time to tape and photograph her. I never guessed what tomorrow would bring. I should have done those things TODAY, not tomorrow.

We recently went to the beach, we LOVE the beach! I was relaxing in a beach chair enjoying the ocean breeze and scenery and the blondies kept asking me to play with them. Many times I did but near the end of the day I wanted to sit, be lazy, be left alone. We had another beach day ahead of us tomorrow so in my mind I put playing with T&T off until then and sat. Tomorrow came and it was a cold, rainy day. We tried to 'beach it' hoping the weather would clear but it never did and we left. I never got my tomorrow. I didn't play with them the way I promised myself I would. I missed out on memories and making them feel loved.

My new resolve is TODAY! I'm trying to enjoy TODAY. I will look back on TODAY either: fondly with no regrets happy that I lived in the moment, satisfied at the memories we made, remembering when.... OR I will look back sadly seeing missed opportunities wishing I would have made more of an effort. I want my children to remember me as a mother who was fun, who did activities with them, who played instead of cleaned. I want them to know I love them by my actions. I want their childhood to be precious, happy, fulfilled. So TODAY I choose to let my house be a little less tidy, laugh more with my blondies, let them eat a cookie for breakfast, and enjoy their finger prints on the glass. I choose TODAY, right now, and hopefully tomorrow will be just as happy and productive as TODAY.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

A Beachin' Good Time!

The summer wouldn't quite be complete if we didn't get to the beach to get our fill of sandy toes, frigid waters, and yes, a sunburn!
We got to Mission Beach in the afternoon. There was NO WAY the blondies could wait until the next day to beach it so we suited up and headed out. It's REALLY nice when you can walk out your door, across the boardwalk and there you are. Grandma and Anutie Brooke invited us and even though Tatum missed 4 days of school and Tucker 2 there was never a question of whether or not we'd go, the only question was WHEN!

It's funny how kids never notice the zero degree water. T&T ran into it as if it were bath temperature and played and laughed and thankfully wore themselves out.

They were not too tired to go down to Bellmont and ride the carousel.

The next morning began early by looking for sand dollars. They were so disappointed when we didn't find any. Oh well!

It was a beautiful beach day, sunny, warm and the crowd did not disappoint. One of the best things about the beach is crowd watching, people are fascinating!

Tatum and Tucker loved spending time with their Grandma and I'm pretty sure she enjoyed them as well.

We couldn't go to Mission Beach and not go to Konos for breakfast. It's this tiny restaurant that makes amazing food, usually the line is out the door and around the corner.

Who knows what Tuck has on his shnos but he's a cutie and absolutely insisted he bring and wear his "surfer dude" necklace the entire time!

Tuck's favorite thing to do at the beach this visit was getting buried. Sometimes Tater and I buried him and sometimes he did it himself. He loved playing in the sand and was content to even play by himself.

Funny story. We brought a bag of Cheez-its to snack on while we played, we love Cheez-its! All five of us were down by the water playing when we looked over to our beach spot to see a zillion birds all over our towels, chairs and sand and not only had they landed but they were quickly attracting more sea gulls! We stared in disbelief when we saw the Cheez-it bag go flying, we quickly snapped out of it and chased them away. So, Tatum thought she'd out smart the sea gulls by building a "bird trap". The idea is the bird goes to the hole to see what it's all about and then crawls in and we quickly fill the hole with sand trapping the bird. Sadly we never got to try out her trap, there were surprisingly no birds that came our way.

We also couldn't go to Cali without stopping by the Guiraradelli store. We loved walking in and being handed a sample. We made sure we entered more than once.

It was difficult deciding which delicious dessert we would order. We ended up with a peanut butter, hot fudge ice cream sunday!! SO scrumptious!

Auntie Brooke, Grandma, and Tater enjoying their treat.

I'm so glad I have these two, they are such good friends. They were best buddies all week. They built sand castles together, buried Tucker, laughed at how the waves "got their keesters", sea shell hunted together, chased away the pigeons and sea gulls together, and had a slumber party every night together in the "hidden bed".

Tuck enjoying the water!

I love these pictures because if you look closely Tucker is making a face in every one. I think they capture his personality and a bit of his nerdy-ness! This kid, he's hilarious.
Then there's Tatum, always darling and usually happy. She wasn't very happy when her swimming suit broke. She was forced to get another and was excited about her new suit.

This may sound weird but I absolutely LOVE Tucker's fuzzy shoulders, especially in the summer when his fuzz becomes white silk. I think it's SO cute.

I am a bad mom, I failed miserably. Because Tatum got a new swimming suit there were parts of her back showing that weren't previously. She got fried and cried about how bad her back hurt. It hurt her for 3 days. I'm such a bad mom. Nonnie came to the rescue with REAL alovera and rolled her eyes and shook her head at my irresponsibility. I deserved it.
We had SUCH a fun week! Thank you Grandma and Auntie Brooke for the fun memories and the new tan!

Monday, August 24, 2009

A Very Wiggly Tooth and A Very Mean Mom!

Tater lost her second tooth last week! While she was anxious to have it out she was dreading pulling it out. I'm a really mean mom and not afraid of teeth pulling. Her tooth was barely hanging on for days, she showed us ALL THE TIME how loose it was but refused to let us pull it or help her do the deed. We were headed to California and as extra insensitive told her the tooth fairy wouldn't know where she was if she lost it in California and so she needed to have it out before. She didn't care, she said the sand fairy would come. So there we were in sacrament meeting and sweet, trusting Tatum let me feel how loose her tooth was. Wiggle, wiggle, it went and then WHAM! I pulled down hard, it didn't take much. She was so very angry at me and cried and cried. How irreverent are we! Chris took her out into the hall and I followed to pull it the rest of the way out. There were many tears but the second it was out she quit crying and was SO excited about her even bigger hole. She was furious at me but quickly forgave me and was anxious to leave her tooth for the tooth fairy!

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Angel Ethan

This is Ethan, Ethan the Brave. He is just that, brave! This sweet little guy fought quite the battle these last 6 months. How heartbroken we are he earned his angel wings this weekend. We love him and his family and pray for comfort, peace, and the reassurance that all is well.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

School Report

Having completed the first 3 weeks of school I must say the last 2 were much better than the 1st. Tatum had a very difficult time that first week. Each melt down got longer, more drawn out and more hideous. That 1st Friday her melt down lasted 2 hours. Near the end of her hysterical screaming we got a phone call from the front office showing Tatum as absent. I assured the lady she was on her way and she was, an hour and a half late. Chris nor I was going to put up with a year of this hideous behavior. That Friday morning she said she wanted to stay home with me and Jersey. We got her little photo album out and sent it with her, as well as her necklace with Jersey on it. A couple hours later I got a call from the school counselor. She was so very nice and offered her help any time we need it. She checked on Tatum throughout the day and each time found her happy and cooperating. Tatum later reported she showed Mrs. Moore her sister and they talked about her. Makes me sad. We decided a sticker chart would hopefully do the trick. For every morning she got ready and left the house happy she'd get a sticker and if she got 5 in a row we would go to McDonald's for an ice cream. She's never displayed such behavior since. And yes, she got her ice cream.

Since, she is happy and darling and eager to go and see her friends. She was really excited to buy her very own lunch and chose corn dog day as her first. Corn dogs, french fries, and chocolate milk, nice and healthy. It's been fun watching her make new little friends. Her and her new friend Tyler plan what they are wearing to school the next day so they can match. Wearing uniforms makes it easy to match and they are excited when they do. I love holding her little hand as we walk to school. It's not squishy any more. It's not a baby hand any more. She's growing and while I'm excited for each new phase I hate that I have to say good-bye to my little girl. It's fun to pick her up and in the enormous crowd of parents, students, and teachers I love to see her eyes light up and her eye brows raise when she sees my face. It's fun to walk home together and talk about her day. We talk about who she sat by and played with, how the activity of the day went, and what she played at recess which, no surprise, is a princess game. Recently she informed me she doesn't want to marry AJ any more because a new boy, Eli, has come along and he likes the way her tooth wiggles. Sorry AJ. I asked her what will happen when her tooth finally comes out. She rolled her eyes like a grown up. Young love. She hasn't quite told him she's marrying him so please keep it on the down low.

Tucker absolutely loves his preschool. Chris and I often find him asleep wearing a shirt tucked in to jeans with a belt cinched tight and with his socks on. He's ready for school!! School doesn't start until 9 and by 8:30 he's sitting on the counter in front of the clock with his back pack on wanting to know when we can leave. He's lucky to have 4 buddies in his class and is always excited to tell me who he sat by. He not as excited about his homework. It's usually a struggle to to do his one page of homework. He is excited to have homework because he knows that Tatum has it and he wants to be just like her. He certainly thinks he's as old as her. He wants to grow up so fast. He's always talking about what he wants to be when he grows up. He began wanting to be a baseball player, then an astronaut, and now he wants to be an under water walker but NOT a diver. Not sure how big the demand is for an under water walker but that's what he wants to be. One thing's for sure, he's still squishy and I hope he stays so for at least another year.

Friday, August 14, 2009

Save the date!
It's a bead party, September 24th at 7 pm. Details later!

Monday, August 10, 2009


Last week our lesson in Relief Society was on prayer. I rarely if ever comment in class but I certainly had a lot to say. I don't' mean to always bring up my Jersey Girl but her and the experiences I had with her taught more in those few weeks than my 28 years combined; at least those things spiritual.

I remember driving to the hospital one day, Jersey was doing awful and, as became my routine, I was begging and pleading for her to be healed as I drove the 45 minutes there. I remember the distinct thought come to my mind, "everything will be just fine". How relieved I was to know that although the storm was ragging, though I could barely keep my head above water all was well, she would live. I needed that optimism, I needed that little ray of sunshine to help me endure. I needed the hope that while things looked so very bleak if I only clung to "everything will be just fine" I could last until she was home however long it may be. I tried handling my trial with grace and understanding. Fast forward a few weeks, Jersey did well for a moment but she could hang on no longer, it was time.

I remember being at home and looking back on that drive and the response given to me. I felt so very betrayed, so tricked. Everything was NOT fine! Jersey died! I am not fine with that! How dare I be given false hope.

I thought about it often and it wasn't until one quiet afternoon it dawned on me, Jersey WAS/IS just fine. No suffering, no drugs, no future surgeries or tortures. She would never envy other little children running when she couldn't or wish her body wasn't so beat up and scarred. It never quite dawned on me in the moment those words could be interpreted any other way. For me the ONLY way was for her to recover and come home.

Sometimes the answer is simply no even though it may be a very righteous desire, even though we do everything we can to live the way we should. I feel like so many times I hear of only the experiences where yes was the answer, where some one was healed right then, where everything immediately worked out. I feel like it's just as important to also add in faith promoting stories the times when the answer is no and things don't work out they way we have so diligently fasted and prayed they would. In my opinion it takes more faith, more understanding, more patience when the opposite of what you want happens.

I know my girl is exactly that, "just fine", better than she's ever been. And today, right now, I'm just fine with her being my angel.

Saturday, August 8, 2009

BIG Happenings

Tucker started pre-school! He LOVES his teachers and his class! He and I went on a date and picked out this very handsome, oh-so-cool dude wear, he felt totally hip! He was so excited to wear his new clothes, shoes and backpack!
Tuck loves his backpack!
This is his cute little friend Boston. Tucker is lucky to go to school with 4 of his buddies, Austin, Brock, Luke, and Boston.

Tater lost her first tooth! She was SO brave and fearless, she did most of the dirty work. I helped pull it out at the very end and she was SO excited! That evening the tooth fairy came and left her a dollar, gave her a sparkly kiss on her cheek and left sparkles on her pillow! Ever since Tatum has excitedly displayed her smile with a hole. Her second is short to follow.

Saving the best for last...

Sweet Leah is here! This is my newest niece, my sister Callie's princess. Pretty sure I'm her favorite auntie.

When Tatum finished school the blondies and I raced to the hospital to meet and hold little Leah. Tatum was in love while Tuck was bored. She's a cutie and we're excited she's here!

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Diamond Backs Picnic in the Park

Saturday, August 22 @ 3:30pm, come have a dinner picnic on the field, run the bases, tour the dugouts, get tickets for a future game, pictures. . . ALL INCLUDED while watching the D-backs game live on the jumbo-tron! I am selling tickets to this great family event in honor of The Heart Center at St. Joe's, where Jersey was so lovingly taken care of. The D-backs foundation will donate $20,000 to the Eller Heart Program at St. Joe's! Let me know if you are interested. Adult $45, Children over 3 are $35. or comment on the blog. If you can't attend, donating 1 ticket would help a heart family in need attend. If you do plan on attending tickets need to be paid for by the 12th of August.