Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Boxed Up

I did it, it's all boxed up. I'm tired of it looking at and teasing me. I'm done with the tiny, girlie sundresses, hung according to size and color starring at me, the burp clothes folded just so...waiting, the changing table full of infant diapers begging to be used. NO MORE! I packed it ALL up. Everything. Every... last... bit. I took apart and stored high in the garage the high chair I've tolerated in the laundry room for the last 2 years, we have zero need for it and may never again. I packed away all the bottles, unopened pacifiers, and sippy cups and then ripped off the labels in the cupboard, yes I label my cupboard. I gathered all her blankets, specific to her, and put them in their own box along with her other "special" things, they don't belong with all the other baby blankets, they're special. I'm done being taunted. The crib is too large to do anything with along with the changing table, I'll have to endure them. Maybe when I walk by I'll stick my tongue out at them.

24 comments:

Kunz said...

oh heidi. i am thinking about you. that was a hard day. i am so sorry.

The Shelley Family said...

(((HUGS)))

Michelle LeMieux-Bilenko said...

Heidi, I can't even imagine. You are so strong. Hang in there! One day @ a time.

Lily's Mama! said...

Heidi, that must have been a very hard thing to do. I can only imagine, and even then I don't think I fully comprehend the heartache of it all. You are a strong woman, and I am honored and blessed to say I know you.

Sending you ((HUGS)) and our prayers.

Sincerely
Jenna and Lilyana

Renae said...

I would like to sit with you in a rocking chair and make all the hurt go away. You did give us a precious Angel to hold in our hearts forever. Your word verification was drasit. It made me smile. It might replace dangit.Sending Love and Hugs to you all GG

The Ridgway Family said...

Heidi, you are so brave and I admire you for getting it done. I have yet to do it, but I did buy the container so I am closer. It's just so hard to do and so final, but as you said it's a big tease when it's staring at us as well. I definitely think you should stick your tongue out every time you pass. Maybe I waited too long and now it is so close to her angel day that it will be harder. You might get a phone call some afternoon just to help me through. The funny think is, most of the stuff she did not even use. Sure stinks!!!

Love you, Keisa

The Millirons said...

Sorry Heidi. I know that wasn't easy. But I am glad you are doing things to help you heal. Don't forget to look at all those things once in a while though. Keep her memory alive. I have a little drawer that has all of Elizabeth's things from the hospital - the dress she wore, the blanket she was wrapped in, her little hospital bracelet, etc. I keep it in there and I only look at it when I feel like I need to.

My brother came into town from Iraq this past week and we went to the cemetery. We saw my Dad, Elizabeth and we said hi to Jersey. I told him what a beautiful little girl she is : )

Mindi D said...

:( You are so special. And so is Jersey. I'm proud to know you. I wish I could make the hurt go away. I think venting is a healthy thing to do so keep doing it. I may never understand but i'm hoping it helps you. ((hugs))

Ashley and Gary Millward said...

Heidi-
I have only read and learned about your family through your blog. I have been reading since your sweet baby entered your lives but never felt the need to comment until now. I know a lot of other mothers read your blog who have lost loved ones. I found this poem/song online but it did not have an author but I really wanted to share it with you. Its I am a child of God rewritten for families who have lost children. I hope you enjoy it and it may bring you comfort.

------------

I am a Child of God and He has called me home.
My journey's through but still, I do not walk alone.
He leads me, guides me, walks beside me, helps me find the way.
He welcomed me with open arms. I live with Him today.

I am a child of God and I have gone ahead.
My earthly life was brief but oh such peace and love you gave.
You loved me, held me, stood beside me and though I cannot stay,
You gave me much to help me and I live with Him today.

I am a child of God and I will wait for you.
Celestial glory shall be ours, if you can but endure.
I'll lead you, guide you, walk beside you,
help you find the way.
I'll welcome you with open arms
One bright Celestial day.

---------------------------

The Simmons Family said...

Heidi.. I think I'd have to do the same thing. Good for you! I'm sure it was difficult to pack it all up, but you did it.

jana said...

heidi... we've met a few times here and there... at costco. You are such an example to me! Hang in there, I can't imagine how hard it must be for you! I'm so grateful to know you!

Love,
jana jackson

Dennison Family said...

Wow, you never even mentioned that to me! (((hugs))) I'm sorry for the stress, anxiety, teasing, etc. I'm sorry for all of it! Oh, the rollercoaster!! Love ya, girlie!

Evie's Story said...

Heidi,
No mother should ever have to do what you have done. I hurt for you. I know this was a step that had to be taken, but can't imagine the emotions and memories it must have stirred. Praying strength for you to get through each day...and hope! Love you friend!

Netso said...

Oh, our sweet little Heidi :( I'm so sorry. I have a storage shed behind my house and in one corner is all my mom and dad's stuff. My husband goes in there all the time and says,"When can we get rid of this stuff!" And I always tell him, " When I'm ready." ...My parents have been gone eight years!!! You do it it at YOUR time. Don't worry about what everyone else is thinking. We love you so much and wish we could be there for you more. Call us if you need us....Hang in there.... One day at a time.....

Nichols Family said...

My heart is ripping out! I'm so proud of you though for doing this. That had to be unbelievably tough. Jersey loves you sooooo much. You made me smile when you said you were going to stick out your tongue at the remaining furniture. You're a sweet angel just like your Jersey.

Greg and Heidi said...

So sorry! But now I officially know where your three kids get there sassyness from!

Jenna said...

Heidi I am thinking if you..........xoxoox

Deana said...

Heidi, I am so sorry. I wish I could do something to help. You are truly amazing to me. Hope to see you again someday soon!

Libbis Grammy

Brittanie said...

Oh Heidi! That must have been so hard. I hope that things are getting a little easier for you guys. I can't believe it's almost been 6 months. Hang in there - I know Jersey is watching over you and loving you every second. I miss you and love you!

Heidi said...

What a hard, brave thing to do. I can't imagine. Sending you my love Heidi.

The Glenns said...

And now you will get pregnant...that's how it works, especially if go buy smaller new workout clothes.

Jen Olson Brown said...

I love you Heidi!

Likes Chocolate said...

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOOX-from one heart mom to another.

♥ Michele ♥ said...

I know what you mean. I have been getting rid of things, one thing at a time. I still have her crib, changing table, and clothes in her dresser. I guess we know when we are 'ready' to say goodbye to their things. We miss our girlies so much!! :(