Jersey Anderson

Born November 25, 2008
Earned her wings January 5, 2009
Gilbert, Arizona

I am a Child of God
And He has sent me here
Has given me an earthly home
With parents kind and dear

Lead me guide me
Walk beside me
Help me find the way
Teach me all that I must do
To live with him some day.

There's a website devoted to children who've passed away. Anybody can request their name be written the only stipulation being they're angels and every request is granted. To make a request or to simply view the sight go to: www.namesinthesand.net .

Two Months

Wednesday marked 2 months since Jersey earned her wings. I say earned because she definitely worked hard and earned those sparkly wings! It's gone so quickly, I remember the 6 weeks we had her seemed like years. I'd often times wonder why my body hurt or why I was so tired and then it'd dawn on me: I JUST had a baby. Thankfully these last 8 weeks have not crept but flown.

It's been quite the roller coaster, much different from the hospital roller coaster but a roller coaster all the same. It's interesting how different things affect my emotions so tremendously. Unfortunately there have been several heart babies who have recently earned their wings or have been born and had surgeries. On those days I am brought back to Jersey's day and I seem to experience all those emotions again. It's no fun. Chris and I recently visited some of these little soldiers at St. Joe's and the smells brought back vivid memories. As much as I absolutely do not envy those with heart babies I can't help but envy them. After all, they have their sweet heart.


I feel like my whole world revolves around her. My recent friends, impatience, sleepless nights, weight, mood, thoughts, future plans, all are because of her. Every thought, every dream, everything has Jersey in it.

Sadly I've pulled away from my friends and family, those who love me most and do the most for me. I'm often invited to do fun things, go on outings, and most times I decline. Not because I'm to busy or because it wouldn't be fun but because it takes energy; I don't have any energy. We are still being served in so many ways and I've been so rotten at thanking our friends. Saying thank you doesn't express how grateful I am but I can't seem to muster up the brain energy to remember to say thank you. I can't seem to remember anything. I hope I don't offend. Many days I walk around in a daze needing to do something on my huge to do list but I can't find a place to start. Frustrating.

Few things have brought my mind comfort, the one thing that helps give me peace is she doesn't hurt any more; she is free from her broken body. She can take deep breaths on her own and smile because it doesn't hurt. I don't have to see her wince or stare at her black tootsies or wonder what her life holds. I know she is well taken care of, free from any health struggle. I don't feel sad for her, I only feel sad for my family and I. She is lucky her road was short, she really is. And we are lucky to have her. Our time with her wasn't long enough, much to short and painful but I'm counting on the Lord's promise that everything will be given back ten fold. It's only fare.

The one thing that really upsets me more than anything else, that really is unfair and hurtful and almost makes me angry: why haven't I had an experience with her yet? Why haven't I undeniably felt her? Why have others and not me? I'm her mother, I grew her, I would do anything for her. Am I not righteous enough? Am I not having a hard enough time? Haven't I sacrificed enough to warrant such an experience? Impatient, perhaps but I feel it's a right I am entitled to. Maybe I'm too demanding, too expecting, ungrateful, but seriously, WHY? Surely she is close and aware. Maybe I'm just grouchy or maybe I'm a mommy who is lonely for her girlie.

Sparkly Wings

Tatum said: "Mom, I think Jersey has sparkly wings; sparkly wings, a sparkly crown, and a sparkly dress."

I absolutely agree.

No One Wants Adversity

"It is so hard when sincere prayer about something we desire very much is not answered the way we want. It is especially difficult when the Lord answers no to that which is worthy and would give us great joy and happiness. Whether it be overcoming illness or loneliness, recovery of a wayward child, coping with a handicap, or seeking continuing life for a dear one who is slipping away, it seems so reasonable and so consistent with our happiness to have a favorable answer. It is hard to understand why our exercise of deep and sincere faith from an obedient life does not bring the desired result. No one wants adversity. Trials, disappointments, sadness, and heartache come to us from two basically different sources. Those who transgress the laws of God will always have those challenges. The other reason for adversity is to accomplish the Lord's own purposes in our life that we may receive the refinement that comes from testing. It is vitally important for each of us to identify from which of these two sources come our trials and challenges, for the corrective action is very different."Richard G. Scott, "Trust in the Lord," Ensign, Nov. 1995

Tatum and Marriage

The conversation between Chris and Tatum over breakfast:

Tatum: "Hey Dad, guess what. There's a boy at my school named Brody and I wanted to marry him but Emma went to his house and said he picked his nose and then he wiped it on his shoulder so now I don't think I'm going to marry him. I guess I'm going to marry AJ."

A Father's Grief

A Father's Grief

It must be very difficult
To be a man in grief,
Since "men don't cry"
and "men are strong"
No tears can bring relief.

It must be very difficult
To stand up to the test
And field the calls and visitors
So she can get some rest.

They always ask if she's all right
And what she's going through.
But seldom take his hand and ask,
"My friend, but how are you?"

He hears her crying in the night
And thinks his heart will break.
He dries her tears and comforts her,
But "stays strong" for her sake.

It must be very difficult
To start each day anew.
And try to be so very brave-
He lost his baby too.

Eileen Knight Hagemeister

Angel Jake

Jersey has a new friend in Heaven who earned his angel wings, sweet baby Jake received his wings yesterday. Because we've been there and we know his parents are hurting please, please keep this sweet family in your prayers; they need ALL they can get.