Sunday, August 30, 2009

TODAY!

I've learned this before, with my Jersey, and still I continue to put things off until tomorrow. With Jersey we didn't take any new born pictures. Not that she was a typical new born but still, we could have done something. I never video tapped her, we had only a couple days where she looked "normal". I wanted to wait until tomorrow when she'd be extibated, untapped, no lines, awake, home, the list goes on. How I WISH I had something. I wish I videotaped her chest rising and falling, she was alive then. I wish I would tapped her sleeping. Those rare times she was awake I would softly rub her cheek near her mouth, she would move the side of her mouth in that direction, SHE WOULD RESPOND to me, I wish I would have tapped that. It showed personality. It told me she knew I was there. I kept waiting, hoping she would get better. I kept telling myself I wouldn't want to remember seeing her like this, now I WISH I would have done more. I thought we would have a life time to tape and photograph her. I never guessed what tomorrow would bring. I should have done those things TODAY, not tomorrow.


We recently went to the beach, we LOVE the beach! I was relaxing in a beach chair enjoying the ocean breeze and scenery and the blondies kept asking me to play with them. Many times I did but near the end of the day I wanted to sit, be lazy, be left alone. We had another beach day ahead of us tomorrow so in my mind I put playing with T&T off until then and sat. Tomorrow came and it was a cold, rainy day. We tried to 'beach it' hoping the weather would clear but it never did and we left. I never got my tomorrow. I didn't play with them the way I promised myself I would. I missed out on memories and making them feel loved.

My new resolve is TODAY! I'm trying to enjoy TODAY. I will look back on TODAY either: fondly with no regrets happy that I lived in the moment, satisfied at the memories we made, remembering when.... OR I will look back sadly seeing missed opportunities wishing I would have made more of an effort. I want my children to remember me as a mother who was fun, who did activities with them, who played instead of cleaned. I want them to know I love them by my actions. I want their childhood to be precious, happy, fulfilled. So TODAY I choose to let my house be a little less tidy, laugh more with my blondies, let them eat a cookie for breakfast, and enjoy their finger prints on the glass. I choose TODAY, right now, and hopefully tomorrow will be just as happy and productive as TODAY.

19 comments:

Kippy said...

thanks for the reminder. i learn so much from you.

Tyler and Kami said...

I agree with you. TODAY is the gift the Lord has given us. We need to use it wisely because as we both know, there may never be a tomorrow.

Heather said...

Thank you for sharing, something we should all keep in mind. It was so good to see you the other night, thanks for coming!

Andie's Mommy said...

You are soo right. I know I'm guilty of this. I hate when I do that. Thanks for the reminder. Your a great mom and friend.

Brokke

The Simmons Family said...

GREAT POST!! I definetly life in TODAY, and Owen taught me that. I regret so much time when Kamryn was small, I'd go to work all day, come home and be too tired to play like I know I wanted to. Now she is growing up too fast and I spend every extra moment with her. Owen gets video taped and shot on camera more than any kid imaginable, but I know that his life is fragile.

I am guilty of saying, we'll do family pictures when I lose weight, or when Owen's tubes come off. It's easy to wait til tomorrow, it's harder to live in Today. I like a challenge.. let's live in today!

Deana said...

Thanks Heidi! I often try to enjoy the kiddies when they come to visit and clean after they leave, but so many times I catch myself cleaning up after them they entire time they are visiting! How silly of me. Thanks to you I am going to try harder to enjoy every second!!!

Love you!
Libbis Grammy

mom/sandy said...

GOOD for you!!!

Alisa Larson said...

Great reminder!

The Shelley Family said...

Thanks for the beautiful reminder to live for TODAY :) I really needed to hear what u shared! I enjoy your perspective and honesty about life. ((HUGS))

MommyRohner said...

Wow, you've been a blogging fool lately. I truly enjoyed your Prayer post. It's always good to have a reminder that our prayers aren't always answered how we think they should be.
This post reminded me of the post I just did on my dad and taking pictures. It's so important to enjoy our kids TODAY. I REALLY need to do this more. Why is it so hard? Thanks for the reminder.

Oh, and I can't wait for the jewelry party. I'm coming... even if it means I have to check out of the hospital early!

Mandi said...

That hits a tender spot in every moms heart. It's so easy to get caught up in the have to get it done moments and it's even easier to tell your kids, "Just a minute." I try everyday to do better at that, and every day I fall a little bit short, but I make it a point to tell my kids how much I love them and that they are so special everyday. You are a good mom. I know that your kids love you and that you love them. I am grateful to be your friend.

Jen Olson Brown said...

Dear Heidi, I don't want to be insensitive. I admire your continued courage and heartbreak for you. I just thought I'd pass on a thought. Sometimes it is best to experience the moment in its fulness rather than miss and try to preserve. She is beautiful. And I know you want to be close to her in any way possible, even through a video tape. I hope that somehow your heart will be comforted. Good luck on your venture.

Natalie Purser said...

I loved this post Heidi. I am constantly saying tomorrow, later, in a minute. Thank you for the reminder of how precious our children are and how everything else can wait. I have been horrible at taping my kids, but I think I will pull out the video camera today thanks to you. :)

Natalie

likeschocolate said...

Hugs from our family! It is hard sometimes remember to enjoy the journey. It definately takes effort at times; especially, when the journey seems like a roller coaster ride.

Renae said...

our Dear Dear Heidi, You have such a way of getting people involved in what you are writing, You just let the words flow, whether they are funny, serious, or spititual from your heart. Thank You for sharing how you feel. We Love You GG and Old Papa

Netso said...

TODAY, is a good day...Thanks for the reminder. Love ya.

Evie's Story said...

Heidi
Amazing how these little sweethearts just change our perspective for ever....for everything!!
Love hearing your heart and what you learn even through the deepest loss. You radiate such a loving, caring mom to all your beautiful blondies...all 3 of them!

Dennison Family said...

LOVE IT! THanks for the reminder. That is how I remember my mom. She was amazing (still is) and loves playing with kids. She was "the cool" mom. I don't remember my hosue being clean, but I remember my mom getting down and dirty with us!

Jamie Y said...

Thanks for the reminder, I definately need to work on that too....