Sunday, February 1, 2009

There were 3 babies blessed at church today, there should have been 4.

17 comments:

DEANNA said...

I can't imagine how that feels. I can't tell if there is simply sadness in your post or if there is anger as well.

I am sorry that at every turn in life there will be that tug that will take you back to what should have been and what is.

The Millirons said...

Ugh I have been feeling that way this past week too. I have been so sad over the memories I am missing out on. I had a play date at Red Mountain Park with about 8 other Girls and all I wanted to do was scream and yell that I have TWO KIDS ! I went through pregnancy and labor TWICE. Why can't they both be here ?

I am so sorry you are feeling this way, I am here if you need to talk.

Chelsea said...

we were thinking of you guys and still praying for you all.

Amanda said...

I love you, Heidi.

Evie's Story said...

Dont know how you're getting through these hard things. Carrying you in my heart!

WishTrish said...

I was thinking of you through those blessings. I remember what you are feeling and feel it acutely with you right now, too.

You are in a new little class of motherhood, you know. Each time you watch someone go through a relatable experience to yours, you will re-experience it with them. You will hurt for them and want so badly to lift their burden from them, but most of the time, all you will be able to do is pray.

I'm praying for you. My heart sinks for you, but it rejoices for you also. Love you, Heidi.

lundgrenville said...

I thought much of you on Sunday...and hoped for a healing heart.
The anger and frustration is normal after the loss of a loved one..its hard...but thats part of healing.
I cant say I have been in your shoes...although I wish somehow I wish for the words that could bring your tender heart comfort.
One thing I do know for sure, is that the Lord loves His children...ALL of them!
Hugs

Ashley said...

I am so sorry Heidi. I was feeling the same way yesterday at my nephew's blessing. Listening to his father bless him with all the things in his future just made me a little sad that I wont get to see that happen with Miles. anyway, just know I am here if you need anything.

Alisa Larson said...

I was thinking about you during that time too. It must be hard to be reminded of the "what if's". Hope next week is easier. I'm going running tonight if you want to come!

Nichols Family said...

I'm so sorry too. Seems so unfair. I can't bear to watch you go through this. All I can say is that we love you. I'm sure Jersey's sweet sweet blessing of her own with people there who love her more than words was beautiful as well.

Bridget said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's hard seeing life unfold and knowing that someone is missing.

hydee ann said...

that just hurts. and that's okay. it means you're human and you feel and you love. hope the comfort keeps on coming along with the pain.

The McKnights said...

I can't imagine how you're feeling or what you're going through! That would be a very gut wrenching feeling sitting there in sacrament. I'm sure she was there sith you guys. Hang in there Heidi! We are always thinking of you guys!

The G Fam said...

Every fast Sunday, I shed a little tear. It is hard to see baby after baby come and be blessed. Both of our babies had hospital blessings. Ryker's was merely minutes before his passing; Lilly's was moments after birth. It is extremely hard. You will have a lot of hard moments. And there will be tears. But know there are so many who mourn with you and share in your grief. I cannot believe it has already been almost three years since I found out I was pregnant with my first, and already 2 years since I found out I was pregnant with Ryker. It goes by so fast. The pain remains, but the degree lessens gradually with time. There is not a day that goes by that I do not long to take my precious angels in my arm. Hang in there- we will get through this!
Heart hugs,
Emily

larsen family said...

I don't know if you remember me or not. I went to high school with you and then you did my braces a couple of times. I noticed your blog on the angel blog and I am so sorry to see you on the side bar. My daughter passed away in July 2008. I'll keep you in my prayers and hope you will find comfort and peace. Please know you can contact me any time if you would like to talk. Kampers2@gmail.com
Jen Larsen

Jamie Y said...

Yes, there should have been 4....

Kunz Family said...

I am so sorry my friend. Truly. I am. One of the only comforts during those early days for me was the quote by Joseph Smith,

"When a mother is deprived of the pleasure and joy of rearing her babe to manhood or to womanhood in this life, through the hand of death, that privilege will be renewed to her hereafter, and she will enjoy it to a fuller fruition that it would be possible for her to do here. When she does it there, it will be with the certain knowledge that the results will be without failure; whereas here, the results are unknown until after we have passed the test." Joseph F Smith, Gospel Doctrine p 453

And even still. It hurts. Very deeply. I am thinking of you.