TODAY!

I've learned this before, with my Jersey, and still I continue to put things off until tomorrow. With Jersey we didn't take any new born pictures. Not that she was a typical new born but still, we could have done something. I never video tapped her, we had only a couple days where she looked "normal". I wanted to wait until tomorrow when she'd be extibated, untapped, no lines, awake, home, the list goes on. How I WISH I had something. I wish I videotaped her chest rising and falling, she was alive then. I wish I would tapped her sleeping. Those rare times she was awake I would softly rub her cheek near her mouth, she would move the side of her mouth in that direction, SHE WOULD RESPOND to me, I wish I would have tapped that. It showed personality. It told me she knew I was there. I kept waiting, hoping she would get better. I kept telling myself I wouldn't want to remember seeing her like this, now I WISH I would have done more. I thought we would have a life time to tape and photograph her. I never guessed what tomorrow would bring. I should have done those things TODAY, not tomorrow.


We recently went to the beach, we LOVE the beach! I was relaxing in a beach chair enjoying the ocean breeze and scenery and the blondies kept asking me to play with them. Many times I did but near the end of the day I wanted to sit, be lazy, be left alone. We had another beach day ahead of us tomorrow so in my mind I put playing with T&T off until then and sat. Tomorrow came and it was a cold, rainy day. We tried to 'beach it' hoping the weather would clear but it never did and we left. I never got my tomorrow. I didn't play with them the way I promised myself I would. I missed out on memories and making them feel loved.

My new resolve is TODAY! I'm trying to enjoy TODAY. I will look back on TODAY either: fondly with no regrets happy that I lived in the moment, satisfied at the memories we made, remembering when.... OR I will look back sadly seeing missed opportunities wishing I would have made more of an effort. I want my children to remember me as a mother who was fun, who did activities with them, who played instead of cleaned. I want them to know I love them by my actions. I want their childhood to be precious, happy, fulfilled. So TODAY I choose to let my house be a little less tidy, laugh more with my blondies, let them eat a cookie for breakfast, and enjoy their finger prints on the glass. I choose TODAY, right now, and hopefully tomorrow will be just as happy and productive as TODAY.