Monday, January 5, 2009

Our Princess

Words can't describe the emotions Heidi and I have felt today (this is Chris writing). Today was a day no parent should have to go through. We had to say goodbye to our sweet, sweet baby Jersey.

Over the last few days her condition continued to get worse. She was starting to accumulate more and more fluid, her blood pressure would dip dangerously low, and her oxygen levels weren't where they needed to be. Yesterday when our doctor asked us about reviving her or not, if the time comes, we knew her time was limited on this earth. I left the hospital around 10 pm very depressed and not sure what to think. When I arrived home I went straight to bed thinking about the condition of my baby girl. I finally had the courage to tell Heavenly Father that I was ready to accept her going home to live with Him. I couldn't handle seeing her under so much stress.

At 12:48 am I received my answer. Heidi called me and told me it was time. Jersey had maxed out all her drips and ventilator and there was nothing else we could do. I rushed to the hospital so we could be with her for the remaining moments of her life.

When I arrived I walked into a very calm and peaceful environment, just as Jersey would've wanted. We took off all the unnecessary cords and tubes so we could hold her. We still had her hooked up to the ventilator, heart medication and pain medication. We held her, talked to her, sang to her and told her how much we loved her. We called both our parents so they could see her one last time.

At about 5:50 am Jersey's heart rate and blood pressure weren't holding. We told our doctor it was time. We excused our parents and I was able to hold her as they took off all her cords and IV's. Once everything was off the Doctor removed the tube from her mouth. We were finally able to see her precious little face without a tube and tape.

I had the privilege and opportunity to hold her as she passed away. It was a very spiritual and sad thing to experience. We felt her spirit leave and enter into the presence of our Heavenly Father.

Once she had passed we gave her a bath and brought our family in, as well as Tatum and Tucker, to say our goodbyes. Both our kids were able to finally hold their baby sister free of any cords or tubes. Tatum loved every minute. She sang her songs and told her all the things she would teach her to do (twirl, cart-wheel, etc). Tucker held her for a few moments but then wanted his mommy.

Today was an extremely difficult day for us, but necessary for Jersey. She fought a good fight and gave it her all, but Heavenly Father wanted her home. We will miss our precious little baby Jersey, but we know she is in a better place. A place free of IV's, tubes, cords, surgery's, blood pressure cuffs, monitors, etc, etc. She touched our lives in so many ways and Heidi and I feel so honored and blessed that Heavenly Father would send her to our family.

Our hearts ache for our sweet baby and we miss her so much. I can't put into words the love I have for our special Angel. She will always have a special place in my heart and not a second will go by that I don't think of her. Yesterday when Heidi and I took a nap we slept with one of her blankets, it was her favorite blanket and the one she was wrapped in as she passed. It was so nice to have a piece of her home with us snuggled in our bed. We look forward to the day when she welcomes us home. It will be a special day for us all.

Heidi and I have felt an overwhelming amount of support from everyone. Your prayers and thoughts were felt throughout the day. Please keep them coming as we are going to need them over the next few days, weeks, months...

We are holding a funeral service on Friday morning and we will post details at a later date. Everyone who was touched by Jersey is welcome to participate on this special day.


Maren said...

Very well written Chris.

We are so sorry it turned out this way. Jersey is obviously a special little girl that only needed to be on this earth for a short time to receive her body. Heavenly Father had a greater plan for her in Heaven. We think about you guys often and pray for you daily. We will definitely keep those prayers coming your way. We are always here for you guys.

Chris and Kelly said...

We are so sad to hear about your sweet Jersey. What a blessing it is to have the gospel in our lives and know our Heavenly Father's plan. We will continue to pray for peace and comfort for all of your family.
The Norton Family

ncandland said...

Chris and Heidi,

We are so sad to hear about Jersey. I'm at a loss for words, but I (Natalie) work for Kinkos and if you need prints, bookmarks, programs let me know. I would be happy to help. Our prayers our with your sweet family.
Bill and Natalie Candland

ncandland said...

She came into this world, far more perfect than you and me,
She could not stay long, though her spirit we could see.

Heavenly Father called her home for there was work to be done,
A calling meant for her - not just anyone.

Though her body was small, her spirit was so great,
Heaven needed her now. No, it would not wait.

A daughter of God - a precious angel indeed.
She will help find and teach lost spirits in need.

Though her work is not centered on just heaven alone,
She calls to us each day and beckons us home.

A reminder for us to live faithfully,
so when resurrection day comes, together we'll be.

Our Heavenly Father's plan sometimes brings us sweet sorrow,
Though in his arms today. . .ours tomorrow.

Lily's Mama! said...

Chris, I only met you once so I do not know you as well as Heidi. But your strength and faith radiates from this posting. May the Lord be with ALL of you right now. He has healed Jersey and made her heart whole but it is the rest of us, our hearts are now breaking. Jersey was and IS a special little girl that will remain in my heart forever.

Sending you our Love and blessings
The McLaughlin Household

WishTrish said...

I think it is awesome that you felt her spirit enter heaven. What a blessing and honor. Thank you for sharing it.

We continue to think of you and send our prayers your way with our love.

Heather said...

I cried last night as I was telling Phil about Jersey. We both send our most heartfelt condolences and love. We have been there and know the anguish and relief that comes with the passing of a sweet baby. I know Jersey is well and happy, free from pain.

DEANNA said...

We are so sorry for your loss.

The Jensen Family

Janalyn said...

Thanks for sharing such a personal time Chris. You and Heidi have been so unselfish to share your sweet Jersey with all of us. Though most of us never were able to meet her, I know she's made a difference in all our lives and we'll all remember her.

Caldwell Clan said...

Heidi & Chris

I am so sad to here about baby Jersey! I know we live far apart right now but if there is anything that you need I would love to help. We are praying for you and your little ones. I am sure Jersey is so sad to have only had such a short amount of time with her family, but how relieved she is to be whole again. She is such a sweet little girl and I know that she felt all of your love!! We love you guys
The Caldwells

The Scotts said...

Chris and Heidi,
We just heard about your sweet baby girl. I am so sorry. Our thoughts and prayers will be with you and your family.
Shanon (Decker) Scott

Mike and Vicki said...

Heidi and Chris,
We are so saddened to hear about your angel baby. She was here such a short time, but had such an impact on so many. Thank you so much for sharing her with us. What a blessing it is to know of the Plan of Salvation. She is very near with friends and family who love her dearly. I'm sure that you will feel her sweet spirit near in the days to come. Our Heavenly Father loves you and knows you. He is aware of your circumstance. He will be there to comfort you and lift you. May you feel his circling arms around you is my prayer.

We love you,
Vicki and Mike Wares

Mandi said...

That was so beautiful. I am beyond touched. Thank you for keeping us apart of all of this. I feel such tenderness for your sweet family and it has changed me, as I am sure it has everyone else, for the better. Now whenever I think of your story I feel all the more touched and grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who loved us enough to make such a beautiful plan. I pray for you and think about you so often.

Misti Mel said...

Chris and Heidi
We just wanted to let you know that we love you guys and pray for you and your family every single day. Uncle B and Auntie Misti

Dahly Mama said...

Heidi and Chris-
This is Ashley Huston's mom, Rhea, and I just had to tell you how much I ache and hurt with you.
Having just gone through it with Ashley and Mark, and their sweet little Miles, I know how much it stinks and seems unfair and hurts, and yet how much we all learned to love and rely on each other, friends, family and God. It's obvious you have so so much support from so many people and that is what will get you through this, along with the Holy Ghost. You will find that when this is all through, you will come to know how REAL this third member of the Godhead is. At least this is one of the legacies our Miles left to me.
I don't know if it helps to say, but you do get through it. Not fun, but a growing, spiritual time in life. Let your parents know how much I feel for them, too will you?!
Jersey is beautiful by the way!
Rhea Dahl

the waites said...

Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during this difficult time. HOw wonderful is the Gospel to assure us that Families are forever and you will see her again.


The Waite Family (Jill's friend Rachel)

Melinda said...

Heidi and Chris,
I am so sorry for your loss. What a precious little girl. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Hang in there!
Melinda(Pickles)Brower and family

Kristin said...

Thank you for that Chris. You are such a good daddy. I am so touched by your words. I'm so sorry that your family is going through this. We think about you and pray for you often.

Beth said...

We are so sorry to hear about your loss. We can't image what you have gone through, but are praying for your family. What an angel she must have been.
Sonny and Beth Goodman

The Driggs said...

Chris and Heidi, this is Summer (Decker) Driggs here. I just wanted to let you know that we love you so much. What a difficult thing to have to endure, and you endured it so well. I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet Jersey. Your family has such faith and love emulating from you and it shows in your testimony about the plan and in your readiness to accept His will. We will be praying for you and your children during this time.

tcandland said...

Chris and Heidi,

Your family is in our hearts and prayers! We are so sorry about your beautiful baby Jersey. We are here for you if you need anything.

Mindi said...

Thank you for sharing this most sacred of experiences. I have no doubt you were handpicked for this assignment. Well done. Jersey chose amazing parents.

The McKnights said...

That was an amazing post, Chris. I admire the strengh of both you and Heidi through all of this. Thank you for keeping us very updated so we could feel a part of Jersey's life for the short time she was here. It is such a comfort to know you will be with her forever. I am very touched by your e mail. Thank you.We are always here for you guys...whatever you need. We will see you Friday.

Christina said...

I am so sorry for your family. I pray that the spirit will bless you with strength and understanding at this difficult time.

Hugs & Prayers,
Heart Momma to Jacob (TGA)

Sabrina said...

I just recently got to know you and your family through this blog. I'm so happy to have found you as your words of strength are powerful and inspirational. Please do keep posting-we're here-listening to every word.
With gratitude,

Kristina said...

We were so sorry to hear about your sweet baby girl. Our thoughts and prayers are with you.
the Golightly family

The Foster Family said...

What a sweet and touching tribute to Jersey Chris. I cannot imagine how you and Heidi are getting through this heart ache. Please know my heart aches for your family, yet I am at peace knowing you have a guardian angel watching over you all.

Ortonfam said...

Hello- You have no idea who I am but I ran across your blog through a friend of a friend and began following Jersey's story. I too am LDS and am truly touched by your family. I just read today about sweet baby Jersey and can't imagine loosing a child. Your strength and testimony touched me and my husband, our prayers are with you and your family. I thought about Jersey often and just want to let you know how much your story touched us.

Crystal and Jared Orton

Vonda said...

Heidi and Chris - You know how much the Guttery family loves you and your sweet family. Thanks for letting us be a part of Jerseys life and feel her spirit. Thanks for the courage and example you are to Bill and I. We love you and we love Jersey.

Linda Pickles said...

We are so sad to hear about little Jersey's passing. Our thoughts and prayers are with all of you.

lundgrenville said...

I have been following your story for quite some the Milnes requested a while back for those to pray and fast for Baby Jersey...I blogged about baby Jersey and requested the prayers of many...This morning I learned of her passing...and my heart deeply was touched by your sweet goodbyes and last moments with her.
I too have been down the road of medical struggle with our baby, and it takes a lot of faith...prayers and support to overcome such trials and heartache.
Im so sorry for your loss. I know the Lord only takes the elect and the chosen...Baby Jersey will perform miracles and the Lords work on the other side...
I can only imagine the heartache that follows the loss of a child...and hope that is something I never experience in this lifetime, but I do know the Lord love all of His children, and He will comfort and bless your tender heart.
Much love & Hugs-

The Lundgrens

Chris said...

We have been following your blog and we just wanted to let you know our thoughts are with your family during this difficult time.

Chris and Marlin Posvar